In the absence of pretentiousness, I want you all to know, my shit stinks too. My husband can testify to this.
Since I was a young girl I garnered a lot of attention, not because I was pretty, I wasn’t the traditional version of beauty, I was geeky, gawky, had very thin legs similar to twiglets and sported 2 dog poo plaits that stuck out horizontally above my ears because my hair was so thick and short. So, I used to get bullied a lot. Bullied because I was "skinny" it wasn't seen as a great attribute back then and to be fair our physical appearance to this day shouldn't be judged, but judge and hate they did.
It’s obviously been to my advantage as I’ve progressed in years but during my younger and teen years, being "skinny" was my nemesis.
As I developed into a young lady with a figure people now actually desired, I was then ostracised by my peers and prospective admirers. I’d spent years of rejection and dismissal that I didn’t really take the advances of admirers as truths.
Women of my own age group would keep me out of their friendship groups and tell me I walked around as though ‘my shit didn’t stink’. If I was approached by a man wanting to date me or to be fair, "conquer the unapproachable", if I rejected their advances their proposition would turn to anger and they would curse me out and very often that phrase “you carry on like your shit don’t stink” would follow me as I walked away.
Now little do many know that I have one leg just a little bit shorter than the other. This is what gifts me my model sway. I’m not doing it deliberately, it’s just when I walk, I look like I’m doing a classy catwalk show for the streets (also because I love clothing, I often look very well put together, I make an effort). But my body is compensating for the difference in leg length, I walk like a supermodel. Add that to the slender frame and the symmetrical features and my resting smiley face you have yourself a recipient for envy.
My smiley demeanour made people think I was constantly looking down on them because I felt I was so damn fabulous. Girls would warn me away from their boyfriends or just not befriend me just in case their man took a fancy to me and men generally perceived I was out of their league so would put me down before I had a chance to prove otherwise.
I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 18 and a half.
It was only when I started working that I actually made real friends, when people finally got the chance to know me, that’s when the “stink shit” comments turned into “Wow, we thought you were really stuck up but you’re actually really lovely”
This came as a true relief to my body, to my nervous system. From feeling isolated and rejected for so long, I felt there was something genuinely wrong with me, it took a lot for people to see beyond my exterior.
Now a lot has changed, women don’t see me as a threat anymore and men have learnt a lot from the recent years of understanding themselves and the role that the patriarchy has played out in their lives.
I have a myriad of beautiful heart-centred friends who see me for who I am, but the attention has got stronger.
Because of the work I do and the diet of love I feed myself daily, I emit a vibration that attracts people, as you know our hearts are magnetic and we attract what is similar to us. At first it was really uncomfortable for me, people stop me on the street and tell me how beautiful I am and ask who I am, what do I do, can I take a photo of you, can I have a hug. It used to really freak me out. It really freaked out my husband, and my friends and siblings used to get really annoyed, they’re used to it now and know that it will always just take us longer to get to where we are going and when wer'e there, we will be interrupted a few times.
I remember hearing that old familiar phrase again when I went out for my sisters' birthday last year with many of her friends and as we left the restaurant I was approached by so many different people on the high street, couples and groups all offering me beautiful compliments and my sister said “Who are we then, chopped liver? her shit stinks too” which I found very funny, because she truly meant it in a funny way.
Now I understand the reason why I attract people, especially when I’m minding my own business, is because I am a mirror, just like you are for the people you attract in your life. I reflect their authentic selves back to them and authenticity is truth and truth is attractive. It’s not the way I look, it’s not because of what I’m wearing, the most common question I’m asked is “who are you?”
Now I’ve been through a lot of shit in my past and also been lucky enough to have overcome it, not all of it, it’s a lifelong journey, but I have so many ways and tools to assist this healing. But it’s mainly women who approach me and when they discover what I do, that’s when they also realise why they were attracted to come over and talk to me. It’s because they’re either going through something I’ve previously dealt with and healed, they’ve been through something similar or they have something going on in their lives that I can help them with. That’s why I’ve never had to find clients, they’ve found me. I love these moments.
When I run the Pleasure Parties, what I found was that there was so much Hero worship from people who had entered the group and found what I had guided them through changed their lives or perceptions of life and themselves, they felt connected to themselves and others, they experienced feelings, emotions and power that existed in them that they had not accessed before and they would adulate me. And I had to remind them and especially myself “My shit stinks too” as it is not me who made these lives change, I didnt' gift them this, this actually existed in them all along, I’ve merely given and shown them how to use the tools that worked for me, that are now working for them.
I have enjoyed learning from some of the world’s most powerful teachers in the fields of modalities I’m trained in, and when I was on their teachings or in their presence I noticed the same hero worship from my fellow trainees but often on a much grander scale. Not all of them dealt with it the way I’ve had to learn to. Their work was and is indeed very powerful and transformative, these are the incredible people I’ve learnt from, however when you are admired so much it can unfortunately go to your head, I mean, we're all only humans.
My husband and I once went on a retreat together and watched this hero worship play out, unfortunately because of the power the teacher was endowed, she and her team used it to manipulate and coerce quite dangerous situations that actually caused more trauma in some participants than healing, but it was because they knew it was possible with the trust that was laid out and offered so freely by vulnerable tutees desperate for healing to them, to wield situations that showed their power and control over others.
I was so glad that this was witnessed not just by myself but by my husband and we promptly left halfway through, only to find that after we left, there were many more than followed in our wake, happy to throw their investment away and escape with their dignity and nervous systems intact.
This particular experience really taught me how to care for the people who put their trust in me to guide them.
My shit stinks too, I am not your leader and I will never pretend to be, we are each other's reflection, and I am fortunate enough to have learnt some really incredible things that have helped me completely transform my life into something I’m so happy to live every day and by sharing these, I’ve been able to watch others do the same.
So, if you see me walking down the street, know that I am always happy to talk, have a hug and share with you what I’ve learnt and know, and who knows, you’ll most likely teach me something that I really need to learn. Some of my greatest teachers have been my clients.
Wishing you all a day filled with pleasure x