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Ever The Imperfectionist

Sometimes it’s hard to work out if the lessons being taught are for you or someone else. This weekend, I decided to ignore my screaming intuition and go out for an ‘Adventure drive’ with my husband. Now everything was saying to me from the night before, there is going to be car trouble, so much so that my body kept waking up as I dozed off that night with a voice in my head saying “Get up and check on the Porsche” I did, 3 times, then told my intuition to kindly ‘fuck off’, I was exhausted. I slept after taking a melatonin pill to drown out Ms intuition and woke feeling refreshed.


‘Adventure drive’ was offered up and Ms Intuition was like “Hell No Bitch, did I not tell you about car trouble, plus, you know you’ve got lots to do today, you gonna waste the day driving around?” We briefly argued and then I got myself ready, yeah, she lost.


As I walked down to the drive for this exciting ride, I realised my husband had washed and polished his favourite car, the vintage Ferrari 250 swb (might have got some of that the wrong way around, I don’t give a shit), now most people, they would jump at the chance of going for a spin in a vintage Ferrari, but not me, we’ll not by choice any more, it’s a loud, screaming, noisy, bumpy, low down to the ground death trap that has my nerves on constant edge. As I approached the car my husband laughed as we both realised, I never need words to show my extreme displeasure, my energy just walks over and slaps him in the face, but verbally, I was silent, as I was doing this for him, not for me.


We visited some of his old friends in the New Forest, and we actually had a smashing time, I was like “See, Ms Intuition, you know nuffin” we then set off home, back in the noisy freezing cold dream car and then it happened!


My husband mis-fuelled the car with Diesel instead of petrol, it was an honest mistake, it happens to the best of us and the worst, it’s just a mistake, but my goodness, you’d think he did it deliberately the way he carried on as though he was being punished and just he’d been caught. He was so sorry and kept on apologising to me, now I wasn’t bothered, firstly I wasn’t going to let Ms intuition win this one and secondly, which actually should have been first, it was a mistake, he didn’t do it deliberately, he wasn’t trying to go out of his way to hurt or harm me, it was a complete mistake. However I watched how he struggled with not being perfect in this moment and I felt really sorry for him, because if there’s one thing that can really destroy you it’s your perceived sense of perfection.


I wrapped myself up in my cloak, sat on my phone, made a few calls to companies that dealt with misfuelling, sadly, absolutely no luck. Even the breakdown service couldn’t do anything until the next day in the afternoon. So from 10:30pm Saturday night – 12:30am Sunday Morning we sat in the car waiting to be rescued, it got colder and my passivity drained out of my body, my kindness now felt strained, I  just desperately wanted to go home.


We pushed the car (No power steering by the way, I was in heels (obvs)) to a nearby Holiday Inn (Grim) and the breakdown insurance paid for the room, which was large, clean and deeply uncomfortable. So no, we didn’t sleep, at all and we didn’t get back home until 10:30 the next morning. She won, Ms Intuition had read the day! It was amazing how quiet she was on the way home in the recovery truck, just a faint murmur of “I told you so!” and nothing more. She won !


In the tapestry of life, mistakes are the threads that add depth and colour. They are universal, inevitable, and most importantly, they are human. Whether it’s a missed deadline, an awkward social interaction, a failed project or misfuelling a car, we’ve all been there. But the true challenge lies not in the mistake itself, but in how we respond to it, especially when it’s not deliberate. If you are the experiencer of a mistake as I was, for me it was the simplest thing to respond positively to, especially as I would want to be offered compassion if it was me who made the mistake, but how do you respond if you are the one who has made it. Let’s delve a little.


The Human Nature of Mistakes

Mistakes don’t discriminate; they’re a part of everyone’s journey. From the most successful CEO to the local artisan, everyone trips up. But here’s the catch - not all mistakes are created equal. There’s a vast difference between a deliberate misstep and an unintentional error. The latter often weighs heavily on us, shadowed by an unsolicited sense of guilt or embarrassment.


Psychological Impact of Unforgiven Mistakes

Holding onto these mistakes can be like carrying a backpack filled with bricks. It weighs down on our psyche, often leading to decreased self-esteem and increased anxiety. It can trap us in a cycle of fear, preventing us from seizing new opportunities or trying again. But what if we could put down this heavy backpack?


Learning from Mistakes - Our Stepping Stones

History is filled with stories where blunders turned into wonders. Thomas Edison’s numerous failed experiments led to the invention of the light bulb. J.K. Rowling’s initial rejections paved the way for the Harry Potter saga. Each mistake was a stepping stone to success. So, when you trip over a stone, remember, it’s not there to make you fall, but to help you step higher.


Cultural Perspective - Imperfection in Islamic Art

A wonderful part about the trip was that I always walk away learning something new  wherever I am and these friends of my husbands are fashion designers. We were discussing about creating me a beautiful velvet cloak, when we slipped into the subject of religion, as you do. What was brought up was something I wasn’t aware of but loved as a fact to put in my font, so interestingly, the concept of embracing imperfections can also be seen in various cultural practices.


In Islamic art, there’s a perceived tradition where artists intentionally include a small imperfection in their works. This practice stems from the belief that only Allah (God) is perfect, and by incorporating a deliberate flaw, the artists humbly acknowledge human imperfection and the perfection of the divine. While not universally practiced or explicitly stated across all Islamic art forms, this idea resonates with the theme of this blog which is about accepting and learning from our mistakes. It’s a beautiful reminder that in both life and art, imperfection is not just inevitable but can also be a meaningful expression of our humanity.


I am now a Queen of Imperfection, I’m a IMPERFECTIONIST and proud of it, so I’ll give you some quick tips on how to relax and forgive yourself for mistakes and it will also help you forgive others for theirs too.


Self-Forgiveness: A Step-by-Step Guide


1.  Acknowledge and Accept: Recognize the mistake and own it. It’s the first step towards learning from it.


2.  Perfection Is a Myth: Remind yourself that being flawless is an unrealistic expectation.


3.  Reflect and Learn: Every error has a lesson hidden within. Find it!


4.  Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in your shoes.


Moving Forward with Grace

Mistakes are not roadblocks, but rather signposts, pointing us towards personal growth and wisdom. Embrace your imperfections and see each error as an opportunity to learn and evolve. Remember, self-forgiveness isn’t a one-time act but a continuous process that nourishes our mental well-being.


A Community of Support 

As you journey through the highs and lows, remember you’re not alone. We are all part of this beautifully imperfect world, trying, failing, learning, and growing. I invite you to share your own experiences with mistakes and how you forgave yourself. In our Pleasure Party community our imperfections are not just accepted but celebrated, so never fear making a mistake with us, we’re still gonna love you, maybe even a little bit more.


Remember, in the grand scheme of things, mistakes are mere blips in our life’s story. It’s how we respond to them that truly defines who we are.


Sending you L💕VE





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